Archive for the ‘Purry Mason’ Category

Cast of Characters:

Purry Mason, played by Buddy
Della Street, played by Sock Monkey
Cull Pritt, played by Bear
The screaming caretaker, played by the caretaker, as usual

Life is tough for a criminal lawyer, especially one who also needs to do the work of the police detective and the District Attorney because the actual police and D.A. are as useful as cardboard cutouts and almost as intelligent. Yes, life is tough for sure, but Purry does well for himself, with his trusty secretary Della by his side, not to mention frequent snacks to keep him strong and frequent naps to keep his senses acute. So when he heard the scream in the middle of the night, he bounded out of bed, ready to investigate. In all the history of law and order, there has never been a more paws-on attorney than Purry.

Arriving at the scene of the crime, he began to wish Paul Drake could be there (drakes, after all, are ducks, and duck is delicious, especially with gravy). But since there was no Drake and no gravy, he began nosing around for evidence. The screaming woman had finally quieted down, but there was still a great deal of commotion in the room, for he had arrived in time to see Ms. Cull Prit, a rather plump woman wearing a cheap fur coat, running from the room. Though Purry ran after her, his attention was diverted by a particularly shiny object, and he returned to the crime scene to launch his investigation.

Purry began by questioning the shaken caretaker. She said she had fallen asleep on the couch and was awakened suddenly by the presence of excruciating pain at the small of her back. She said it felt just as though a cat had clawed her. Purry scratched his head (more specifically, his ear), and wondered who the culprit could possibly have been. While they were discussing these things, Ms. Pritt casually strolled back into the room and began to feign irritation at having her beauty sleep disturbed. Sensing that his client, the hapless caretaker, was about to be accused of disturbing the peace with her blood-curdling scream, Purry turned up the heat on Ms. Pritt.

“Ms. Pritt, isn’t it true that just before the scream was heard you were sound asleep behind the caretaker? And isn’t it true that while you both slept, you began to feel yourself slipping? And isn’t it true, Ms. Pritt that you extended your claws and dug them into the caretaker’s back in order to keep yourself from falling? And isn’t it true that as soon as the screaming began you fled the scene in order to avoid detection? And, finally, isn’t it true that you, Ms. Cull Pritt, are the culprit?”

He turned suddenly and delivered the coup de grâce: “Well, isn’t it!?!?”

Unfortunately, this intense grilling yielded nothing but the gentle sound of snoring. Soon after Purry had begun his brilliant line of questioning the accused had curled up and shut her eyes. But it would take more than snoring to discourage the valiant lawyer. With all accusation against his client withdrawn, Purry’s job was complete (and his fee secure). The only thing that remained was for him to return to his plush office with his client and Della Street, and then deliver a moderately humorous line and chuckle guardedly.

As Della shakes her head in faux disapproval of Purry’s bad joke, we cue the theme song, and roll the credits!


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